"the stars of the sky fell to the earth…"

“The heart is deceitful above all things,
    and desperately sick;
    who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9

As a dad of three young girls I have to be prepared for the future and how to best guide my daughters through relationships. Most parents and fathers especially are fearful of this stage the closer it approaches. However, I am the type of dad I want to help my daughters as best I can with grace when this happens. We are already pausing movies and identifying what Gen Z has labeled “Red Flags” in men. Especially in older movies from our Millennial childhoods.

For example, In the movie Groundhog Day the main character Phil uses his daily resets to in essence get in bed with women and eventually sets his eyes on his subordinate colleague. Red Flags, he is an egomaniac narcissist who is extremely selfish and predatory. In the movie Phil does change and become humbled and turns his power to good serving others. In reality, there are no Groundhog Days that give us infinite life to learn the lessons that would change us. In real life, only Jesus does that. Only Jesus can change the heart of people and especially a prideful man.

The main point I want to pass on comes from Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick.” In our culture which comes from the culture of demons we are told “Follow your heart”. In reality we live in a world still under the powers of sin. Our heart is part of our flesh just as our mind’s are as well. Sin comes from the heart. The biggest issue women especially young women fall into is believing the feelings of your heart should be followed. Just because you like a boy or man does not mean he is worthy of your affection and precious time here on Earth. How many years are you willing to waste becoming the living groundhog day for a man unworthy of such a princess of God? Every time my daughters exit our mini van I hold my hand out like a servant and say “your majesty”. My wife thinks its ridiculous and they are capable young women. The reason I do it is to establish the precedent Christ set for men that women should expect. These girls and princesses of the God of Heaven and they should be treated as such by the men in their lives.

Fighting your feelings can feel like fighting the gravitational effect of a black hole. In Genesis after the first sin God said to Eve:

“Your desire shall be for your husband,
    and he shall rule over you.” – Genesis 3:16

What God was describing to Eve was the practical effects of sin and how it will linger in the hearts of her descendants. “Your desire will be for your husband.” The picture God was painting was that for women, sin will play itself out in their heart by an imbalance in their affections that borders insanity toward the man in their lives who hold their affections. What does Jeremiah 17:9 say again “the heart is deceitful and desperately sick”. What is it sick with? Sin.

Sin in the heart of women turns affection into a heat seeking missile that locks onto it’s target. God does not call us to be led by sin but by wisdom. This is the hardest thing in life, to have wisdom that is contrary to the wicked desires of our sick hearts. This locking on of affections towards the opposite sex makes us act not in wisdom but in foolishness. Identify the red flags in men that you are interested in. When the ledger shows a complete imbalance of red flags verse green flags, act in wisdom. Reject the curse of the garden and pray to the LORD Jesus for wisdom and guidance.

We are not without help, we do not need eternal tries at life we have something much more profound than eternity itself on our side. We have the Holy Spirit of God to help us and guide us in all things. This is no fantasy this is fact, it is true, in every situation pray to the LORD God.

What are some red flags in men.

1. Lust
2. Pride
3. Selfishness
4. Narcissism
5. Brokeness
6. Substance abuse or regular use
7. Does not attend Church
8. Does not LOVE the Lord Jesus
9. Does NOT read the Bible

These are only some obviously but not let’s counter this picture of a man without Jesus full of red flags verse a man you should be seeking.

The bible says God is love, therefore the way you find a man who loves Jesus is by looking for the signs of love.

 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – Corinthians 13:4-7

If you want to find a man check the green flags of love. Is he patient? Is he kind? Is he very boastful or is he humble? Is he arrogant or rude? Does he insist on his own way? Is he Irritable or resentful? Does he rejoice at morally wrong things happening in the world? No one is perfect except Christ Jesus, but this is the green flag road map to follow.

Now another list of red and green flags in scripture.

“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, ²¹ envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” – Galatians 5:19-23

So you are interested in a guy. Great, #1 does he love Jesus? If he loves Jesus genuinely the bible says he will be continually sanctified by the Holy Spirit to be more like Jesus. Does he have joy? Does he show love to others? is he patient? Is he kind? Is he gentle? Does he have self-control? Always keep these things front of mind and act in wisdom always praying for more wisdom. Pray for a man that loves the LORD, pray for a man who is being sanctified to be more like Jesus every day.

Now I will share a small bit of my story and the red flags my wife ignored. We met long distance, not an automatic disqualification but it does up the risk tremendously. I was broken and sad from a previous relationship, red flag, lack of emotional stability and proper decision making. With men and boys if your younger, do not pick up the fixer upper if possible. This isnt house flippers, you need stability and reliability especially if you want to start a relationship with someone. Quick note. As Christians we enter relationships with the purpose of Marriage. You might be young and not considering marriage, thats fine but protect your hearts and keep in mind the finish line is a Christ centered church bound marriage. This is big, ALWAYS protect your heart especially when red flags are noticed.

Now back to our story. At the time me and my wife were long distance there were obvious signs of substance abuse. From pain pills for a year, to smoke shop spice for 8 months, to marijuana and ultimately to drunkenness and alcoholism. By the time my wife moved and I proposed, I was predisposed to alcoholism and at the very early stages of its development. There arent much worse ways to enter a marriage than with a partner developing an addiction. Since then, I have struggled consistently with alcoholism. It is dying a very slow death. The times of sobriety are longer, the times of drunkenness are slowly getting smaller and smaller.

Me and my wife don’t really fight, but when we have it has always been about alcohol. That has caused my wife alot of suffering. Now, I’m not all red flags. I do love Jesus, I do read my bible, we do go to Church. I do love my children, I try to be humble and patient but obviously not perfect. However that brings me back to the main point, the heart is deceitful and the love of Jesus is the most important thing to look for in a man. Only Jesus can change me and change any of us. The grace of Jesus is why I am alive, it is why we are still married and why we hold together still and hopefully till death do us part. By the grace of God.

My advice. Be wise, reject the men who do not clearly love Jesus, right from the start. Do not let your heart develop time to fix it’s attention on a male unworthy of a relationship with you. The heart doesnt know what marriage is. The heart is led by sin because the heart itself is sick with sin. Your feelings are not what is most important and your feelings will get you into trouble more than anything else. Balance everything by scripture. Follow the advice of your heavenly King and he will bless you. Everything I have in life I can tie back to specific prayers I prayed. So, pray for the right Jesus loving spouse to come in due time. I leave you with this.

“Guard your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.” – Proverbs 4:23 LSB.

Guard your heart from it’s affections toward the wrong men. If you do not, the sickness and affects of sin will poison the well of your life. Do not let your own heart deceive you, choose Jesus first and find the man who loves Jesus most, in due time. Pray. Lastly, if you want to meet a man who loves Jesus go to where men love Jesus, church. Don’t use dating apps, try not to meet online. Go to physical church functions consistently and God will take care of the rest. God bless.